World, meet Tovi. Our beautiful Belgian Malinois, German Sheppard, Chow-Chow, mix puppy. Mixed with what else? Sight-hound, Sporting, Companion, Terrier, and Asian genetic groups. A real mutt! Tovi has changed my life because now my life revolves around her—or at least it has for the past thee-and-a-half months. Finally she is maturing, and I am starting to pry some of my freedom and independent thought back from her cute little paws. Hence, I have a little time to blog about her.
This post got really long, and quite personal, real fast. Raising a puppy has been an incredible joy, but also a great challenge. What follows is an honest conversation with myself about what it’s been like to raise this gorgeous pup. I’ve never had a dog before so I was entirely unprepared for the emotional commitment one makes when adopting a new best friend. Jake had lots of experience with dogs (he was a K9 handler in the Air-Force), and like any excited family planners, our eager emotions told us that we were ready for 2 am potty breaks, bodily fluids on the floor, and saliva and hair on pretty much every thing in the house. I thought I could manage those things–prevent them even, with enough love and attention. Surely if I tried hard enough and loved it hard enough, I would have a dog that out of courtesy would respect my person and property. But good behavior doesn’t happen overnight, and dogs will be dogs. They come with a mess and germs and saliva. I’ve had to significantly alter my routine, the way I clean, how I plan my free time to accommodate this very needy living breathing thing in a way that I admit I wasn’t super prepared for, but I’ve adapted to overtime. Tovi and I spend almost every hour of every day together. Jake is a huge help and amazingly knowledgeable resource and trainer, but from day one I was with Tovi all. the. time.
Honestly, for an introvert like me, her constant presence was a lot sometimes. Tovi is what’s known as a “velcro dog;” a dog that follows its bonded human (me) around the house, always trying to be involved in whatever I’m doing, especially when dog-face is not beneficial to the task at hand. She’s getting better, but it took a lot of work to get her to not try to eat whatever I’m holding, or not to fight the broom while I’m using it. Puppies are also very needy, mischievous, and need a lot of supervision. In that sense, it wasn’t a bad thing that she follows me around all the time because it’s easier to keep an eye on her that way, but before her, I was used to a lifestyle where I did pretty much what I wanted to with my free time. Suddenly this cute little face that needed to poop every 2 hours on the dot came along and all my free time became hers. Because if I didn’t play with her, she wouldn’t let me get any work done. So breaks = entertain the dog. For a while, all at once, I didn’t have time anymore to make art, sew, or even think about making art because I was too worried about not killing this creature that was depending on me.The first two weeks with Tovi I was a bit resentful of how much energy she demanded of me; how much of my focus was taken off of my work, my self-improvement, my leisure, even my partner and all focused onto her. Of course I had the choice not to pay so much attention to her, but it didn’t feel like a choice. I know some people ignore their animals, but I don’t have that in me.
Tovi did not come pre-programmed with love and respect. She was a rescue and had spent some time living in a kennel and some time in foster care. She was a rebellious baby that was much too smart for her own good. She was an escape artist from the start—night number one we had three different style baby gates ready to confine her—she opened one, jumped over another, and climbed the third. This dog was agile, whip-smart, and didn’t want to be told no. How do you care for something that you can’t rationalize with? Comfort and negotiate with an animal that doesn’t understand reason and obligation? Fortunately, Tovi did understand our good intentions, affection, and discipline, so we had something to work with.
Tovi is insanely smart. She learns new things in about three tries, whether we want her to or not. She learned how to take apart her crate from the inside after seeing it be put together once. Tovi learned all of her commands right away, and showed excellent recall and comprehension, but that didn’t always mean that she would comply. For weeks I felt like a broken record with training; drilling the same commands day in and day out until listening was no longer a choice for her to weigh. I told her to “leave” the same slipper or toilet paper roll over and over and over, and now, she mostly leaves them alone without reminder. Tovi craves stability and really hates being alone, so with a solid routine and the reassurance that we’re not leaving her (or if we do, we’ll be right back!), she’s come a very long way in trusting and respecting us as pet-parents.
Tovi is now six months old and all the professionals tell me that she’s miles ahead of other dogs her age in terms of manners and obedience—which is intensely validating. I have a habit of anthropomorphizing Tovi and the structure of her thoughts. Before adopting her, I read a book cautioning against the assumption that a dogs thoughts resemble a humans in any way. Humans have language to provide a stretcher for the thoughts we weave. A dogs mind surely has a less intricate pattern to follow, but I would argue that they do think and feel. I see Tovi weigh consequences and make decisions everyday, so it is hard not to project human-like motivation onto her behaviors. This is especially hard to resist when she’s being affectionate; lots of people say that a dog’s love is unconditional, but I think it’s strategic. When she checks in on me, she’s probably a little bored, and when she snuggles, she’s building a bond with me so that’s I’ll keep feeding her and being nice to her and getting her fun toys. Building a pleasing relationship with me is beneficial to her, and I think she understands that. But her heightened senses means that she experiences the world in ways that I’ll never relate to. Just as she’ll never relate to my cerebral worries. We’re two different species trying to exist and work together though we can never have a real conversation about anything.
It’s also hard not to project upon her because she’s so expressive! She has very pronounced eyebrows and she makes a lot of facial expressions that are accentuated by that unique lady-beard. She is also an overly expressive sigh-er. Overall she’s a very quiet dog and doesn’t do any talking or howling, but her sighs say pretty much everything I think I need to know whether it be frustration, exhaustion, exasperation, contentedness or boredom. Tovi also does a fun wheezing thing when she’s happy that I equate to purring.
I could go on all day about the good and the bad; I have so much to say about Tovi because she’s become such a huge part of my daily life. I’ve become really invested in this graceful, athletic, pack-oriented, gorgeous dog and I have a whole new appreciation for other dogs who are well-mannered because I now know that it is not easy to train a dog. It takes a lot of time, organization, and persistence to develop good habits but it is worth it to provide safety and stability to a lonely dog somewhere hoping for acceptance and a home of their own.
